Their minds were closed, a veil remains over their minds. But when one turns to the Lord, the veil is removed. And we all with unveiled faces, reflecting the glory of the Lord are being transformed 2 Corinthians 3:14-18.
My name is Rosie (that’s what everyone calls me). I’m a wife and mother of three. My boys are 18 and 13 and my daughter is 2 years old. And my journey as a mom has been ever changing.
This blog post is not so much to share my journey as a mom, but it’s more to share my journey of repentance. My journey of being that woman who had her veil removed, and her beauty, her true beauty shine. That was me and this is still me, striving to live a repentant life daily.
I wanted to start this blog, so that I could help women who are finding their journey back to God. It is mostly for women who are finding their journey because they have truly lost their way. What I mean by that is, they’ve eventually, slowly stopped depending on God. They’ve started making decisions for their own lives. Decisions that perhaps now, or later on, they would regret. I was this woman.
Here’s my story:
I was baptized at 18 years old after studying the scriptures and realizing that I needed God. It’s not like I didn’t know God. I grew up Catholic, going to church practically every Sunday for most of my life. My parents taught me about God. For that I’ll always be grateful. Always.
I went to Catholic school for a few years and I learned about Jesus. I’m grateful, because that’s where my foundation was laid. But at 18 years old, I realized that I wasn’t really living as having Jesus as Lord of my life. I remember the first Bible discussion I went to, it was at my university. I just remember thinking, “Oh my goodness, I have never seen Jesus as so relatable.” I don’t know what it was. It’s not like I had never read the Bible before.
Perhaps the way it was explained, but I think it was because God opened my eyes and my ears to really hear, to really listen. And from then on, I decided to study the Scriptures.
So I made the decision to make Jesus lord of my life, confessed and repented of my sins, and was baptized, ready to begin my new life in Christ. I lived through my college days, being active in my ministry, very active. In fact, I got into a group leadership role, and it was great. My relationship with God grew stronger and stronger the more I personally read the scriptures and had my “quiet” times with God. My prayer life grew as well.
Into my 2nd year of college, I dated one of my brothers in Christ for a couple years. You can call him my college sweetheart. It didn’t work out in the end though. I went through my first heartbreak with him, but that’s another story.
Eventually, I met the man who was to be my husband, again, another spiritual Christian man. We had four pretty good years and had two beautiful boys together. They’re amazing. My boys are God’s gift. I am so grateful.
Well, after about four years, his faith started dwindling and I followed next. I followed, not so much because my faith initially started dwindling, It was because I started making my husband Lord of my life. I started idolizing him. The way I did that was by not confronting the difficult time I was going through. It was hard to be married to an unbeliever. I found it so hard to have deep conversations, knowing that we never saw eye to eye when it came to spiritual matters.
So for almost a year, I tried to struggle through keeping our marriage peaceful even though we now had differences in our beliefs. I kept going to church, but I wasn’t really being honest with my sisters in the church, even though my sisters were always willing to help. I was the one who decided not to be honest and open.
Then, in time, I felt more separated from them. I felt like nobody would understand me. Eventually, I stopped attending. But it didn’t happen overnight. I slowly stopped praying, gradually stopped reading my Bible every day. Then the gradual become non existent. I completely stopped reading and praying, and I only prayed when I felt the most hurt and in pain to ask God to stop the pain.
What happened next? Two years later, my husband told me he wanted a divorce. It was such a tough time in my life.
My youngest was small, he was not even a year old. And going back to that, I think that was probably the most painful time in my life. Now, I will say, my ex husband is a wonderful person. I mean that. But at that time, it was very difficult. I was heart broken.
Our relationship is amended now. It has been for a long time, actually. I found forgiveness in my heart. I not only found forgiveness in my heart, I had to take responsibility and repent of my own sins. So I eventually did repent. I eventually did forgive him.
During the process of separation I started exploring meeting people, meeting men specifically, and trying to build friendships and relationships to basically cover my loneliness. But after the divorce, I did get into a “serious” relationship. I mean, I don’t know how serious you really call it, but for me, it was serious. It lasted about seven months. Even after that relationship, I dated different men to try to cover the loneliness. To try to feel loved in a way that I thought would work. But it didn’t work.
So when was that moment that the veil was removed?
I give all credit to God. He put the right people in my life. I’m telling you, when it is time, God has already got everything set up for you. When it is time for that veil to be uncovered. Everything works out just so beautifully. It really does. When you make that decision to choose the path back to Jesus. He’s there waiting with open arms. The chapter that God has written in your book is now present (Psalm 139:16 “All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be”).
I remember the exact moment my repentance journey began:
A friend of mine had made a comment. And it was a joke. He didn’t mean it. But it just made me feel like Mary Magdalene, if you know what I mean. I was the biggest sinner. I felt dirty. My eyes were finally open. I saw the loose woman I had become.
He apologized for that comment almost immediately and even called me the next day to reaffirm his apology. He was joking. But I didn’t take it in a bad way. And guess what?
I am so GRATEFUL. I’m so grateful that he made that comment, because it woke me up. God used him to wake me up. Even as I type this, tears are already forming.
I give credit to God. God put that comment there. He allowed that comment for a reason. I went home that day and I broke down. I went on my knees and I said “I’m so sorry, God. Forgive me. I can’t believe that I chose this life for four years, instead of you. I had it all.”
I thought about the prodigal son. His story is so much like my story. I had it all and I left it. I left it for what I thought were the riches of the world, which all turned out to go away and just be empty. And I kept crying. I was on my knees I asked for forgiveness. I said “I will return to you. I will call the people that I know and I will return to church and I will start my relationship with you all over again. I want to be restored.”
Within a few months, I was officially restored back to church thanks to the help of my sisters who helped me through the Scriptures to renew my faith again, and find that faith to recommit to Jesus, to recommit to his body. And here I am truly repentant. But it’s been a journey. I started this blog to tell you more about my journey ever since.
I am now so very happily married to the love of my life and with him I have a beautiful daughter-which makes me a blessed mother of three! Our love story is my favorite!
I pray this blog will help encourage you to find your journey back to God. And for those who already are on their journey with God: I pray it will help you find daily renewal so that you not only continue, but also grow in your relationship with the Almighty, with our Awesome Father in heaven.
I pray that this helps you grow in your walk with God so that you may find true repentance and true inner renewal every day.