God’s Timing or Ours?

Meditating on God’s goodness by a lake on my way back from a retreat
“But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day, the Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness” (2 Peter 3:8). These words bring tears to my eyes. Not tears of sadness or tears of joy, but tears from my heart being so humbled by this truth. I am impatient.
That is my constant struggle. I’m not short tempered, or easily angered, but I am impatient when it comes to the things I desire in my heart. You see, I am a visual person, a very visual person. I can envision things that I want to happen in my life. I can envision my sons’ future and all the wonderful things in store for their future. I can envision my family and closest friends overcoming their biggest challenges. I can envision our singles ministry flourishing like never before. I can even envision my future husband, not what he looks like (I still have no idea), but what he’ll be like, according to what I feel I need and want in my life.
I am definitely a visual person. I believe God is also very visual. He envisions even more for my life than I do. In fact, he’s already written it in his book of my life. So if I believe this to be true (which I do), then why do I struggle so much with patience?
The answer: TRUST. Proverbs 3:5 says “Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart and lean not on your own understanding.
Trust with ALL of my heart, not just with “some”, and not just in certain situations. This just wouldn’t work. So here’s my answer: I’m not trusting the Lord with all of my heart and I’ve definitely been leaning on my own understanding. My own understanding of what my life should be like, both now and in the future. My own understanding of why things happen the way they do or why certain things have happened in the past. If I continue this way, I will never truly learn to trust in my Lord with ALL of my heart and I will never be at peace in my heart. I will always want more and want different things or a different future.
As I write this tears are falling down my eyes because how can my heart be so untrusting? After all God has done for me? After forgiving me of everything I’ve ever done, not just before but on a daily basis through the blood of Jesus. After giving me the holy spirit at my baptism and then reviving it when I was restored. After seeing my sons’ faith grow more and more even as the world tries to pull them away. After seeing people’s hearts changing right before my eyes, even people I thought could never change. After reading His word every day, praying to him, often in tears and experiencing personal spiritual growth on a daily basis. Why then is it so hard to trust in the Lord with ALL of my heart? 
I think it’s because I want to see the answers to the questions I have right now. I think that if I see them right now, then I will be more at peace. Nothing could be further from the truth. I’m learning that God’s time is so different than my own timing. SO  different indeed. One thing we must remember is this: God’s timing is perfect (not ours) and so we MUST choose patience.
If we decide to take things into our own hands and be “controllers” of our own lives, things could go very, very wrong. This is not wise. Practically speaking we need to let go and lift up our lives and our plans to God in prayer EVERY DAY. We must surrender to God. I must surrender to God.
For us who are single I wanted to share that I remember being at a dating devotional about 2 years ago in Connecticut and Proverbs 3:5 was one of the scriptures shared. I never forgot that devotional and what I learned. I also met some amazing people there, people with humble hearts. It was the only dating devotional I’ve ever been to and I really appreciate having been a part of it.
As singles many of us want to find the “love of our life”. What we must remember is that God is already the love of our life and if He decides to entrust to us a relationship with one of his sons or daughters, then He will make sure that we are ready to love that person as God teaches us to love and that includes loving them with much patience. If we are not content being single, with the ability to be “undivided” in our devotion to God, then how do we expect to be content if we find the “love of our lives” when we are not yet ready?
I believe God is working on me. He’s making me into the woman that my future husband (God willing) will need. How do I know this? Because a few years ago I prayed and asked God that ONLY if He thought that I could be a good wife to one of his sons, only then I would desire it, but only if that’s what He desired first and only if He could trust me this way.
So now what? How should we live now? We ought to live our lives to the full every day making the most of every opportunity and serving and loving one another without expecting anything in return, except the love of God. That’s it. God’s timing is perfect. Not ours. I chose God’s timing. Amen.

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