Real Spiritual Struggles


The past few weeks have been some of the most challenging I’ve had in a long time. I felt more demands from work and from school.  These demands have tested me in ways I’ve never been tested before.

I’ve been tested with in my patience with my boys, with my students, and also in my dating relationship.  I have never really struggled with fits of rage or anger. My personality and demeanor are generally pretty calm and patient (I guess that’s why I’ve made it all these years as a middle school teacher), but lately I’ve been feeling like like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. It’s hard to believe. As I spent time with God this week I wondered why.

I began to search my heart and asked God help me and open up my eyes to what was going on inside and asked him to help me to repent of whatever it was that made being patient so difficult.

I then remembered this scripture: “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms”. This is the reality. The world is not the reality. Satan’s goal is this: to keep others from knowing God and to distract Jesus’ disciples and lure them/us back into the world.

There is a great need for people to know God. There is also a great need for the church to remember daily why we are here and why we made the decision at some point to make Jesus Lord of our lives. We are being distracted EVERY DAY and it’s on purpose. If we don’t realize this we are in danger of being lured back into the world and in danger of losing faith in and eventually forgetting what it was like to live in the world and how empty it all was.

Satan makes the world seem so appealing sometimes. Although I wasn’t exactly tempted to go back to the world, I didn’t go to God very frequently. In the last 2 weeks, I’ve had two good times of prayer and a few mornings of reading the Word. This just isn’t enough.

When I’m at my strongest spiritually and emotionally is when I’m spending quality time daily with God-it’s that simple. Without this, I get selfish and prideful…I focus on my problems and I get easily overwhelmed. I also start getting fearful of the future and fearful of being hurt again. I start “protecting” my heart by closing it off and I start getting defensive in my thoughts and attitudes.

Boy, I’m a mess without my refuge-without my God.

I thank God for my sisters in the church. In just the past few days, I received a message from a great friend and sister that is very dear to my heart-she lives in another state and I hadn’t been in touch in about 1 year, but God’s timing couldn’t be better. I was so encouraged by her message.

I also got to have a heart to heart with my best friend and I appreciate how much she listened and how supportive she was and her good advice. One thing is certain-this was all God who made sure that I had the friendships I needed around me to help lift me up and get me going again.

I love how perfectly he orchestrates everything. I am reminded of why God made sure that with Jesus as the Rock, He started his church…so that we as the family of believers can be there for one another encouraging one another daily (Hebrews 3:13). God is so good to me, He is so good to us. He always provides a way out from our temptations/struggles.

I’m so thankful that no matter what we go though one thing never changes-God’s love and faithfulness (Psalm 36:5).


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